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Monday, October 18, 2010

I will not abandon this blog!

I just wanted to quickly say that I did not abandon my blog. Some serious home repairs just fell in my lap last week, and I had to move into a hotel for five days while the work was being done...with a one day notice. Has anyone out there ever moved into a tiny hotel room with a baby, and all of the necessary apparatus? Yeah, color me exhausted. The work is finished, and my house has been put back together nicely. I didn't have computer access.

I am so happy to be home. Blech....I really messed up. It's hard to write this, but I have to be honest, otherwise, what is the point of this blog? I ate crap the entire time. I had a tiny fridge and microwave in the room, but didn't use them. I could have made much better choices...there was no way to eat my usual meal plan, but that was no excuse to go off the deep end. Burgeres, fries, pizza, ice cream, sodas, chips, candy, various carryouts. Result...I got sick, migraines came back, I haven't slept well in days, and a I broke out into some weird rash from the toxic food.

I am not going to call myself names, although I could so very easily slip into that all too familiar self battering mode. I screwed up big time. I am back on plan as I write this. I'll have to do some withdrawing over the next few days...that's how I see withdrawing from a drug.

A huge part of me is relieved to be getting back off of the food. I had five bad days, I can recover if I do the work.

What is dissapointing to me is that I was so easily knocked off plan. Yeah, it was a stressful few days, but I didn't even try...I honestly didn't. I literally tuned out the sensible part of my brain, I could actually feel myself doing it. I don't even know what to make of that. I have some serious soul searching to do.

This is a reminder of how very, very far I have to go. Chicken and veggies tomorrow. I will enjoy them. Lots of water, walk in the park with my girl. I will have a good, strong day.

I hope everyone out there in the blogosphere is doing well, and enjoying a bit more sanity than I have been.