Feeling Thankful

Current weight: 304.0 lbs.

I am feeling thankful for the success I have been able to manage so far. I am thankful that I am able to maintain my meal plan, and not feel physically hungry. Heck, I am thankful that I can distinguish between physical and mental hunger. That took years. As long as I stick to my schedule of three meals each day consisting of lean protein, a very large amount of vegetables, and some healthy fat I feel energized and capable. I also drink lots of water, watch the sodium (a huge trigger for me) and do 15 minutes on my elliptical each day...that's all my joints will tolerate at this weight, but I plan to expand my routine as I become fitter. While my body isn't terribly hungry, the food addicted part of my brain is reeling.

I believe that overcoming obesity and compulsive overeating is mostly a psychological endeavor. At first, the urge to eat came at me like waves crashing against a cliff. I found myself stopping whatever I was doing (for just a mini moment) and breathing through these intense urges. It sort of reminded me of childbirth. I feel the uncomfortable emotion coming on, it builds, peaks, and then subsides.

When the urges come at me like waves, and I feel the anxiety building I do several things.

I tell myself to feel the uncomfortableness of the emotion. I don't try to suppress it. In fact, I let it get as bad as it can...I even picture the food that I supposedly can't live without. I then remind myself that this is only an emotion. The urge to eat can only hurt me if I act on it. I have the choice. I am in control. I firmly believe this. Like I mentioned above, I do deep breathing exercises throughout this process. Then, it passes. Like a contraction. That's the best way I can describe it.

I've been doing a lot of this deep breathing lately...while I'm washing the dishes, playing with my daughter, taking a shower...whatever. At the outset, about a month ago, the urges were almost constant, but as time goes on they have become less frequent, definitely still there, but diminished to a point where they aren't the sole focus of my day.

What I am doing is is creating new and healthy neural pathways (I was a psych student before the birth of my daughter...lol). In other words, I am building new habits.

The only way out is through. There is an end to the intense withdrawal stage. I've been through this before. I am getting stronger each day.